Do you ever think about your relationship as if it were a muscle? That you can actually stretch it and grow it? Stretch it and grow it to be bigger and stronger than it was before? I think sometimes we forget that we actually need to build upon our relationship just like we need to exercise to keep our bodies strong and healthy. It may be hard work, take time and need some planning but just as our bodies respond to being fed well and given exercise, so too will our relationships.

Married couple, Becky and Steve Deare wanted to do exactly this and build upon their relationship intentionally. They started using Toucan, the free FamilyLife relationship online tool and app.  

“We knew that we wanted to spend time together intentionally learning how to grow as a couple. The Toucan app was especially appealing because we knew we could go through the modules at our own pace and from the comfort of our own home!”

I asked Becky and Steve how Toucan had helped them grow closer. They said, “One of the ways in which Toucan has helped us is the way it focuses not on the changes you would like to make in your partner but in the positive change you would like to see happen in yourself.”

They also gave some insight into what the modules are like and some of the topics that are covered.

“Through each module you get the opportunity to hear real-life stories from other couples and look through content designed to help you take practical steps in growing together through communication, conflict etc.

We found the Couple Times especially helpful as they provided opportunities to come together and to discuss the content of each module as well as make practical plans together about how we can put the things we’ve learnt about ourselves into practice.

It was great getting to be so practical and because of those times we have begun planning for and scheduling regular date nights which we had not been doing in such an intentional way before.”

And when asked whether there were any tools or pieces of advice that particularly helped, they responded, “Even though talking about why and how we react to conflict the way we do felt uncomfortable, we found this module particularly helpful! Spending time identifying our ‘conflict animal’ and understanding more about the ways in which we tend to respond in arguments was so helpful!

The app also keeps it practical by giving tips in helping you think about which habits to drop and which habits to pick up. These have helped us to recognise how our own bad habits could be making conflict worse and although it feels hard to face up to our own faults has been so helpful in making positive change.”

Did they see any growth?

“From what we’ve learnt and also the practical ideas we came up with together we have noticed that our conflicts don’t blow up as much as they once did and we are able to more easily resolve them.”

Sound good? Feeling motivated to stretch and grow your relationship muscle? Don’t let the chance slip by to use this year to kick start some healthy habits. It might just be the best resolution you’ve ever made.

If you want to try it out for yourself, follow this link https://toucantogether.com/ or download the app from the App store or Google Play…It’s Free!