Vacancies available globally: permanent post involving demanding 24/7 care duties, 365 days a year. Lifelong position. Must possess a talent for bringing order to chaos. Candidates need superb communication and management skills and to be ready for anything. Evening and weekend work is required.

Responsibilities:

Multiple cleaning, administration and catering duties

Always demonstrating bucketfuls of patience and a sense of humour, even in the mornings

Duties will vary according to the age of the offspring and range from basic hygiene tasks to entertainment and providing a taxi service

Dolls house/toy car mender

Storyteller – Bible and other kinds, preferably with different voices

Creator of fancy dress outfits on demand

Advanced juggling – of all kinds

Peacemaker

Team coach

Special needs expert

Gifted and talented development

Mentor

First aider

Special events coordinator

Entertainment organiser

Nose wiper

Educational support worker

Cheerleader

Advocate

Role model

A willingness to be invisible on request as your offspring grow older

Candidates must be flexible enough to take on extra responsibilities with no advance notice

Previous Experience: A great advantage but none required. Some support may be given but generally only if you ask for it…

Opportunities for Progression: None. Mothers may, however, be given the opportunity to expand their role by having more babies and sometimes even caring for those of other mothers.

Salary: None. No overtime is paid. You must in fact pay for the privilege of being a mother by providing everything your children need.

There is a Jewish Proverb, “God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers”.

By Sally McIver